Radio Interview | With A Borrowed Heart

Radio Interview
I had the opportunity to participate in a round-table type interview, on our local Catholic radio station, about Theology of the Body and my experience with the TOB Institute.

Give it a listen if you’re interested!
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  For a stalk to grow or a flower to open there must be time that cannot be forced; nine months must go by for the birth of a human child; to write a book or compose music often years must be dedicated to patient research ...To find the mystery there must be patience, interior purification, silence, waiting.... -Pope John Paul II Ohhh the waiting. And the purification. But it’s all worth it! Each new discovery is worth the wait and the work.
  
  “True holiness does not mean a flight from the world; rather, it lies in the effort to incarnate the gospel in everyday life, in the family, at school and any world, and in social and political involvement.” -JP the Great A constant tightrope that I (we) walk. Being in the world but not of the world. Too ‘of the world’ and we aren’t living out our call to holiness. Not ‘in the world’ enough and we are unapproachable, unrelatable, dismissed.
  
  “Mom, can you do my hair in a braid and make it look like the butterflies landed all over my head?” Sometimes is so fun being a girl mom 😍🦋
  
  When I was a new mom, celebrating Mother’s Day was more important to me than celebrating my birthday. I thought that Mother’s Day was something that I had actually *earned* and my birthday - well that was just kind of a weird day to celebrate me for no reason. I thought that all the giving and sacrificing and cooking and diaper changing had somehow earned me a day of recognition and rest. Now that I’ve been around the block a few times, I see Mother’s Day a lot differently. Just like celebrating a birthday is celebrating the gift of another year of life, celebrating Mother’s Day is celebrating the gift of motherhood. Just like I haven’t *earned* another year of life, I haven’t *earned* being a mother, either. I’ve only accepted the gift. The gift of life has been given to me at times when I was totally unprepared, scared out of my mind, and thought it was the worst idea ever. Life has also ended in my womb when I desperately wanted it and thought it was the best plan. But each child, each soul that has left an imprint in my heart, is an absolute gift that I am entirely undeserving to receive. I’ve not earned anything. It is a GIFT to have so many sacrifices every day to offer to Jesus (not that I actually do that - usually just cuss under my breath and complain 🤦🏼‍♀️). It is a GIFT to be able to teach these little minds and form these hearts. It is a GIFT to already have a child in heaven who can intercede for us in a unique way. Sometimes these things don’t feel like gifts and it’s easy to lose that perspective when trying to get everyone in the car for school. Sometimes it feels like I deserve something after all the hard work. But the reality remains. It is ALL gift. Unearned, undeserved gift. Happy Mother’s Day to those who openly receive the gift of life, those who yearn for it but have never experienced it, those who have lost life, and those who have given it away out of love. And happy Mother’s Day to all the AMAZING spiritual mothers. You are the real heros. Thank you, Lord, for the generosity you have shown me. Now you best give me the strength and wisdom and patience to not permanently traumatize theses precious gifts!
  
  Hubs has a work conference in Chicago this week so I tagged along for the free hotel. While he’s out with his work associates tonight, I’m here at the hotel bar, drinking French wine, reading my reflections for the divine mercy consecration. For a while I was trying to play it cool and not pull out my book, but then I decided to just own it. If it starts a conversation, great! And guess what? The bartender asked what I was reading. Evangelizing in the bar. Boom.
  
  Inspired by @leah.darrow IG tv today...I’m struggling. Like, right now I’m struggling. Postpartum depression has not given me a pass this time just because I don’t have a baby in my arms. In the past, the most helpful thing for my PPD has been intentional bonding/attachment with the baby. Just letting everything else slide and letting “the help” that’s around deal with the older kids and meals and cleaning. My job is to sit with my baby. That helps the most in bringing me out of the fog and anxiety and resentment. But this time, there’s no baby. I’ve got the weight to lose and I’m out of shape and now the PPD, but seemingly nothing to show for it. My counselor made an important distinction between processing grief and the physiological postpartum depression. So key. Thankfully, I know the ropes and I’ve got the meds and counselor and support I need to get through it. I know I will. But it’s still so stinkin’ hard. When I started this blog, I had a plan for everything I wanted to post and a timeline and content all lined up. That has all kinda been thrown out the window for a while until life settles a bit around here. Starting a blog and only posting three times in the first 4 months is not exactly the way to grow readership 😆. I know that. It’s cool. So yeah, prayers would be great. A lot of things have been helping in the last few weeks, but I’m still in deep. But, beautiful, unexpected gifts like this amazing journal are 🙌🏼. If you don’t have an @emelihoffman in your life, get one. She’s the best friend/basically sister ever and every time I read the words she wrote on the inside cover, I tear up. She knows exactly what to say at exactly the right time. And always with pretty things that brighten my life. The light will come. I trust in His plan, even if I think it’s a really crappy plan at the moment. I don’t know EXACTLY how it’ll turn out, but I know it’ll get better. It always does. Jesus, I trust in you. Mary, lend me your heart.
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